The juxtaposition of pastoral landscapes cast in mountains against the dubstep heavy thumpings from a cabin is never lost on me but I find it rather uninteresting. (I think that's why I fail to blog much.)
I bought www.confusedhipster.com. I think it might describe this post emo-boy musician syndrome of being an urban dropout. I never managed well as a cool kid.
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I'm shy and passive. Confrontation with people scares the crap out of me. No man, I'm not going to 'throw down' with you.
But a mountain? An event designed to break me? I've been throwing myself into brutality week in and week out for 6 years now. I'm confrontational every fucking day - it's just on my own time where I can't bother anyone else.
And every time I say, "Damn, I must look fucking insane to the world" I think instead: "I have arrived. This is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing at exactly this time."
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There is a story I think I've felt that I've needed to be telling and have, just not been ready. Start exhaling. I think my training really suffered because of this reality. What is training but an expression of our internal honesty?
I don't know what that narrative is but I'm grateful I realize it doesn't have to fit neatly into a category or pre-fab module. Thank you for having it unfold by reading my posts. Please share them if you'd like. I'd like that.
And somehow we all will get from introverted musician to alter ego rock n'roll singer to Barn Beast of Vermont to a man just laughing at it all and hoping for a modicum of wisdom.
When I get to school about 30 minutes before the kids arrive but after my 5 am run I sit at my desk with my plain oatmeal (with banana and almond butter) and read a few blogs written by people (some I know some I don't) that I am glad exist..you are one of those....
ReplyDeleteI used to read comic books but I am too cheap to buy them now..
Heavy stuff bro, keep laying down the blogs and turning up the Skrillex and eventually we will all get where we're going. Rock 'N Roll will take you to the Mountain!
ReplyDeleteThank you both. Just trying to feel my way through whatever is going on right now...don't know what it is, but it is delightfully overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteJason. I have stumbled across your blog and am in love with your words. You are the Pilgram's Master...always pushing that a little further, which is intriguing to most, but connects those who understand why without knowing the answer.
ReplyDelete"What is training but an expression of our internal honesty?" Absolute truth in that statement. We have become a society which challenges others but not ourselves, always finding an easy way OUT or IN, instead of through.
So thank you Jason, for your thoughts and words. You may not know me, but our paths will reasonate between each 'impossible' path juxtaposed between these dancing kindred spirits.
-Flying Unicorn.